I got into bed Tuesday night safe, sane and sober before 11 p.m. My bed was cat-free and the windows were open on a lovely spring evening. I was feeling good as I turned off the light.

Not five minutes later a creature jumped into my bed and began pacing up and down my left side. The creature was the momcat Mister Mittens. She flopped onto her left side and as usual blasted her rump into my left hip. Just before I dozed off I rolled over to sleep on my right side while the cat scooted over to slam her ass into my lower back.

Now it's 4 a.m. and since my prostate gland is the size of South Dakota and pressing up against my bladder I have to pee. I can't climb over the cat so I flip my comforter over her to get out of the bed on the wrong side to visit the bathroom. When I get back and lay my comforter back over me the cat gets pissed off since it is no longer over her - she likes a comforter over her. I have another blanket nearby that I can fetch in the dark and she stays covered up. About an hour and a half later at 5:30 a.m. she's walking in circles upon my groin to wake me up for her breakfast.

I'm just happy that the momcat shares her territory with me and does not ever attack me with fangs and claws.

Your safe as long as you "follow orders"!